Billy Mays is Dead

Billy Mays is dead. Now while relaxing in my bed and watching tv after a long day of work I no longer need to worry about some pudgy, unshaven crackpot appearing in a commercial and yelling his head off. I wouldn't mind so much except for the fact that his commercials were always ten times louder than the one's before and his yelling would wake my girlfriend up, who in turn would yell at me that the tv was too loud. When I was growing up in my parents house my dad would yell a lot and so, late at night after Billy Mays and my girlfriend were done yelling at me I would drift asleep and dream about good times gone by. Good times like learning to tie my shoes, to tell time, and of doing homework with my dad standing over my shoulder all the while yelling how I couldn't possibly be that dumb. After these dreams I would awaken, usually at 3am or so, to stand by a window awaiting the sunrise, and for it's light to push these dark thoughts from my mind. It's amazing how one idiot and a household cleaning product can cause a person so many bad memories and so much grief. At times I've wondered why the man was always yelling. Maybe his personal supply of oxiclean were really containers filled with cocaine which he would snort before each commercial. Maybe he suffered from erectile dysfunction and he yelled to release his frustration. I realize Michael Jackson recently died and that's been all over the news, but he never really bothered me or affected my sleep. He kept to himself, quietly molesting little boys, in the middle of hundreds of acres of privately owned land where no one could hear there screams, and paid the parents to keep things quiet. Billy Mays on the other hand did not believe in being quiet, he believed in yelling and costing me many sleepless nights. But finally that's all over. At least that's what I thought until he came on the tv last night, yelling his head off about this great new health insurance company. Of all things for him to be advertising posthumous, health insurance! I consider myself to be a very twisted individual and even I think that is messed up and also, I would think bad publicity for the health insurance company. I mean they obviously didn't do him any good!